World News – CA – Stream or Avoid: « Barbarians » on Netflix, a German near-historical action drama series in which people kill each other and have sex with each other


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Barbarians is a German Netflix series about ancient Germania, where the tribes of, uh, Germanians weren’t too thrilled to be under the thumb of the Roman Empire Like many shows before it, it has blood and sex and a tenuous grip on the story – and probably an integrated audience of people who eat that stuff like NASCAR ponytails to a roast pig Now let’s see if this will stick to your ribs

The Gist: Teutoberg Forest, a coupla centuries ago Thusnelda (Jeanne Goursaud) is instructed by her father to stop being happy and let him sell her to the chief of another Germanic tribe Papa will have five horses and an alliance; she will have a lifetime of servitude Such is the state of feminism in 9 Aré It is also the moment when one of the Caesars – Braydynn Caesar, I think – sent his legions to Central Europe to obtain all the imperialists It does not not going well, but there is a temporary peace, until some Roman a-holes show up and demand all the goats and cabbages of the tribe of Thusnelda as tax, and because they think that all the Germans are primitive [INSERT SHOW TITLE HERE] They try to get the tribal leader to kiss the golden Roman eagle on a stick, but with one thing and another a brawl ensues and a Roman brute strikes Thusnelda’s little brother Ansgar (Jeremy Miliker) turning his skull into soup Cons: The kid sits in the artery all day, drooling Cons: Everyone forgot about their shitty arranged marriage

Thusnelda has secretly mingled with Folkwin Wolfspeer (David Schutter), who really knows how to use his Wolfspeer, it seems They are angry with Ansgar So angry, Thusnelda consults the local wizard and begs the women of the wood – including, but not limited to, the Rage Sister – to send him Ruin and Death They have an idea: infiltrate the Roman camp and steal the eagle on a stick, because it’s a HIGHLY SYMBOLIC eagle on a stick She will pretend to be a prostitute, he will be the pimp and two friends will help them by swimming in the sewers, which seemed to make sense as I watched it? I don’t know

Either way, it’s a treacherous plan, as we just saw the Romans – led by Varus (Gaetano Aronica), whose cape is attached to the nipple rings of his man’s chest armor , hello – chop off a snot from a German dude pretty much just because he was German RIP German We barely knew you because your scene was so short Thusnelda and Folkwin succeed in the heist, slowly walking away from a fire of distraction in the Roman camp and arrive at the village the next morning with an eagle on a stick held high That night the Germans celebrate with a beer and a fire, around which they dance grumbling and banging their chests Thusnelda and Folkwin throw their own private party with a sexy couple’s doink and bath But the post-coital sponge is interrupted when the Romans arrive to piss on the party

What shows will this remind you of? Game of Thrones, Spartacus and the vast assemblage of violent historical fiction series that appear in a Netflix search for « barbar »: Rise of Empires: Ottoman, Roman Empire, Viking Destiny, Knightfall, The Last Kingdom, Troy: Fall of a City and Barbra: music, memories, magic!

Our Opinion: A Bear Has Been Stung The question is: who is poker and who is the bear? The barbarians are rooted in the true story of a Germanic alliance crushing a whole bunch of Romans, preventing further expansion of the empire to their earthen lands. Whether there was a real Thusnelda or Folkwin, and if they made love to howling wolves three times a day, well I don’t care They are the heroes and we want to see them fight and f – and fight and f – they do

The show analyzes all the clichés of series like these: Sex, violence, a core or three of history, dark lighting, haughty oppressors, righteous oppressors, etc. It’s reasonably well executed, although after one episode we haven’t yet seen an inevitable full-scale battle streak, which makes it difficult to determine its artistic merits.These things live and die by their battle streaks, see Game of Thrones has had a few excellent ones.The barbarians probably won’t reach that level of courage and fire, but if the beheading scene from the first episode is any proof, it carries the promise of good heartbreaking and brutal graphic violence to the old one If you’ve been through all of the aforementioned series before, you’re probably playing for this one

Sex and skin: overstyle buttocks, breasts and schtups in lighting that doesn’t seem natural for 9 Aré

Starting shot: the Roman gent at the village gate takes off his helmet and looks at the chief « Hello father », he says SMASH TO CREDITS

Most Pilot-y Line: « I shit on your stinky peace! » says a German dissident who wants to go to war with Rome and who also doesn’t understand that shitting on something that already stinks is a little pointless

Our call: STREAM IT The barbarians, it’s nothing we’ve never seen before, but it will quench your bloodlust, and it’s good for a laugh or two There better be a battle horrible in episode two, or we could just log out

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan Read more about his work at johnserbaatlargecom or follow him on Twitter: @johnserba

Netflix, Barbarian, Arminius

World News – CA – Stream or Avoid: « Barbarians » on Netflix, a near-historic German action drama series in which people kill and Having sex with each other



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